Published headlines:
These are some of Meredith’s jokes published in Reductress, selected and organized based on which are the author’s favorite!
(Note: It goes against Onion policy to take credit for jokes that get printed. Email meredithdietz1@gmail.com if you’re curious about which byline-less headlines may have come from yours truly).
Too Tired to Pee, Too Full of Piss to Sleep
How to Stop Texting Him Except For When You’re Sad, Bored, or Feel Like It
We Don’t Need Statues To Learn About History. That’s What ‘Night At The Museum’ Is For.
Jeff Bezos to Become First Amazon Worker to Get a Break
How to Refocus Conversations With Your Boss Back to the #FreeBritney Movement
Uh Oh! I Told My Friends I Didn’t Want Kids and They All Looked Relieved
Man Trusts No One Except Everyone on Reddit
‘It’s A Whole Thing,’ Says Woman Describing Either Minor Inconvenience Or Life-Changing Trauma
So-Called ‘Peacekeeper’ In Friend Group Actually Just A Goddamn Yellow-Bellied Coward
How I Reclaimed the Word ‘Cunt’ By Being One
Uh Oh! Man Making Small Talk Knows Town Where You Grew Up
5 Vibrators That Treat Your Clit Like a Pigeon Getting Sucked Into a Jet Engine
“I Think He’s The One” Says Friend About To Set Romantic Timeline Back Three Years
This Is How Many Kegels It Took For My Pelvis To Achieve Sodastream Functionality
Help! I Can’t Cum Until Michael Barbaro Tells Me What Else I Need To Know Today
So-Called Adult Woman Sure Does Love The Teensy Baby Spoon For Her Little Yogurt
Why I Stopped Saying Sorry And Started Tap Dancing Like Mad
Woman Can’t Be Sure If Butt Scrub Did What It’s Supposed To Do
Friend Still Reading Menu Like It Moby Dick Or Something
Delightful Anecdote Put On The Backburner
‘I’m A Hugger!’ Says Pervert From a Bygone Era
Study Suggests You Should Take a Bath and Then See How You Feel
4 Gifts That Say ‘I Wasn’t Joking About Being Broke’
New Baby Sorta Cocky For Its Age
How To Remember The Person You Were Before You Got This Sick Leather Jacket
Report: Ain’t Nothin’ Like A Good Ol’ Romp In The Hay
Wow! This Woman Does Anything And Everything To Avoid Using A Fucking Cutting Board
QUIZ: Should You Really Pop That Pimple or Okay You Already Went for It Huh
‘I’m About to Ruffle Some Feathers With This One,’ Says Man About to Use Hate Speech
Standup clip
Meredith hosts a popular weekly open mic and monthly show at Black Cat LES called "Off Menu Comedy" (@offmenucomedy). This clip is from Nico Carney and Conor Janda’s Boys Club show at Club Cumming, February 2024.
Select humor articles
Late Nite Specs
Last Week Tonight With John Oliver
Meredith was recommended to submit in January 2022, and the assigned topic was an update on the capitol rioters.
She also has a sample from December 2020 about The Lincoln Project. (Meredith isn’t crazy about those Lincoln Project boys!)
The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
Submitted July 2020. That whole “everything is cake” was wildly popular at the time. I wrote on updates about COVID-19 at the time and how with the Mt. Rushmore rally, the Goya beans photoshoot, and his dashing good looks, Trump was trying to distract us – avoiding multiple crises by creating a fresh fight.